It's Been A While

Haven't posted anything in a while. Not much going on around here. Same old same old. No job, no money, no fun, no healthy back.

Speaking of backs, I've been using the Back2Life for 3 weeks and no improvement. I think I'll use that 30 days money back guarantee. No sense wasting $200 (not my money, someone bought for me).

I've got my dog waiting for me to put on some clothes and take her for a walk. I guess I will since it's only 6:45 am and already in the 70's. Another hot one!

Tired, Tired, Tired

I am so TIRED of not working, not feeling well (back problems), not much money, too fat, too lazy to work out, too too.

I know I need to change my mental outlook but I am not sure how anymore. I don't like being me and feel as the years go by I will like myself even less. Hell, I don't even know where I'm going or what I will be doing.

I know I should be grateful for what I have when I hear about a young boy dying of cancer and his parents having to dig his grave to save $300 (fortunately an organization heard about the outstanding funeral costs and paid them). I know it could be so much worse but how do I get that part of my brain that needs to know this know this?

Any suggestions will be welcome (LOL - no one has found my blog yet!!!!).

Scary Faces in Wood Paneling

Isn't it funny how the wood paneling from the 70's and 80's have all these scary faces hidden within the striations of the wood? I have a double door closet in my bedroom and when I look at the wood I can see the most horrifying goblins and spooks. The whirls and swirls become something sinister and dark.

Has anyone else ever looked at their paneling in this manner?

No Energy - No Stamina

These days I have no energy or stamina. I write my "to do" lists and might get one item accomplished. They then roll over to the next day. It's not as though I don't have the time - I'm currently unemployed with time on my hands. Not too many job openings to apply for.

So why do I lack any motivation? I think it falls under that depression I mentioned earlier. I really need to get tough with myself since I don't want to use medication to deal with this. I think my life circumstances come into play here. Losing the job as I did was a blow to my self-esteem. And I seem to be the ever increasing in size woman, not the shrinking one. I think I've addressed this before.

So you're saying why are you still complaining. If you vested as much time into doing something as you do into complaining about it you really might just get something done. And you know what? I think you're right!!!

Prayer for Despair

Prayer for Despair

I have been rejected and despised;

I am hurting and destroyed by the pain.

I am angry with ohters and with you; o God,

for there is no comfort, none anywhere.

I call your name and you are absent.

I wonder why you let me suffer so.

My cries echo in the universe

and ring in my ears

and I am weary of the taste of my tears.

Hear my plea, o God of love.

Let me not be destroyed

by this agony on the brink of death.

I am like a broken reed,

fragile and crushed.

Hear my plea, o God of love.

Let me not be destroyed.

Amen

The Good Old Days

I seem to miss the good old days more and more. Every time I have to add someone to my blocked senders list (don't these people have better things to do with their time?). When I have to cut, pull, jam, scrunch, whatever to open a box of cereal, Advil, almost anything. They are either trying to protect us from someone who wants to harm us or they are trying to keep someone from stealing.

When did the world become such a bad place? I remember when the milkman came to our door and all the came between us and our milk was that little cardboad cap with the tab that you pulled to open. No one worrying about where you were until dark (and not always even then).

I don't like aging but I'd also wouldn't like being young now because of so much that is WRONG with the world. I hope we can all make it a better place.