60 Years In One Suitcase

How does one fit 60 years of ones life into a single suitcase? I think that might be my eventual future. As stated before, I am unemployed and the prospects for employment in this area are pretty remote. Not that I even want to stay in this state.

But of utmost importance is money. How much you have to get you where you are going. Will I have enough to fix up my car and drive back East? Will I have to sell that and all my belongings and pack that ONE suitcase? I don't know. Scary place to be. If I was 20 it would be adventurous but at 60 it is quite alarming.

I have books, CD's clothing, shoes, objects that I've picked up over the course of my lifetime thus far. How do I decide what stays and what goes. How can I choose between them all. Why do I have to choose at all. I won't lament about the unfairness of it all because we all know that LIFE ISN'T ALWAYS FAIR!!!!! Yada, yada, yada.

As Scarlett O'Hara said, I'll think about this tomorrow (or actually Monday). I've decided Monday is when I can officially freak out (though I think I am already). For today I plan to watch the Travel Channel's "Wild China" from 1 pm to 4:30 pm. I'm then watching Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkiban for the billionth time, and will conclude the evening with some BBC.

I'll let you know how this all turns out.

Loneliness

They say that loneliness is very bad for your health. Almost as bad as smoking or not exercising. Well, I quit smoking 41 months ago and I plan to start exercising (heard that before) but I am so lonely I could cry (thank you Elvis). I haven't had a real friend in ages, except for my sister, and she lives almost 3000 miles away.

I guess I'm not good at making friends, or I've forgotten how. They say as you get older it's harder but I don't know if that's true. But nothing can be worse than lonely (well, I guess there are some things that could). If I didn't have my dog Jackie I don't know what I would do. She is my only companion, even though I share my living quarters with my ex (try not to do that if you can).

Depression

Boy is it hard to stop from being depressed. I have a little book that is spiritual in nature and there is one chapter I keep rereading about positive hope. About the mustard seed and miracles. I even have a mustard seed on my key ring.

So I'm "up" for a while, only to crash back into depression mode. I don't know how to escape. Can anybody help me?