Food Journal

I have decided to keep a food journal. I don't really want to but I've been told that food journals really do work at helping women get the weight off. I am hoping to lose 40 pounds at some point in time. I've decided not to give myself a deadline. Who needs all that pressure!

My journal will consist of what I've eaten and what the calories, fat, protein and carb count is. I want to make sure I have the balance of those nutrients that are right for the number of calories I plan to consume daily (1200).

I'm not going to put down my moods or what I was feeling when I ate what I ate. I do plan to eliminate all cake, candy, cookies, ice cream, crackers and white stuff that I can. If I don't have it in the house I can't eat it. I already am pretty good with the whole wheat bread, rice and pasta. I plan to have a decent breakfast every morning and I will have protein with my three meals.

I hope to be successful because I am tired to feeling fat.

How Can You Tell if You're Having a Nervous Breakdown?

Life these days isn't easy. I just got back from the hairdressers to get a weave. I'm unemployed but won't get a job with grey hair. I was just watching the Cafferty File on CNN about the "new" retirement and it was sad reading the comments.

I am 60: I lost my job one month after my 60th birthday. I don't think that was any coincidence. Where do I go from here??? I know I am depressed; probably clinically depressed. But I already take too many RX's to add another one to the list of costs.

It's sad how the "older" generation is treated. What happened? Where did we/I go wrong. Why is experience worth so little these days?

The job I no longer have was only paying me $12/hour. That's less than half of what I used to make. But I had health insurance and beggars can't be choosers (meaning, take what you can get and shut up).

I'm taking my SS at 62 and will work things out from there. Oh Discordia!

Tangled Up In Blue

I just watched the movie "I'm Not There" about Bob Dylan's life. What a strange and fabulous movie. So hearing his music stirred up old memories and I went on Itunes to check out some songs. He certainly is the wordster of this generation. I will buy songs as soon as I can go from an Ipod Shuffle to the real deal. I'm maxed out with Pink Floyd music.

What was really wild about the movie was watching Cate Blanchett's portrayal of Bob Dylan. She was fantastic! I can see why she was nominated for an Oscar. After watching the movie it's almost like coming down from a trip. Weird.

It's A Little Bit Me, It's A Little Bit You

I am a big whiner. A crybaby. I am never satisfied with the status quo. I want everything to be okay and I want it NOW. Life for me is not easy right now but instead of trying to change it I just complain about it. I need to be stronger at this very vulnerable time.

I also have too much stuff. I took out my summer clothes and must have 20 pairs of shorts. Of course most of them won't fit right now because I've put on weight. I'm reading the Sugar Addicts Recovery book and I certainly hope that can help me.

I need to have a plan of action, I need to do more than just drift thought each day. I have to make use of this free time while I have it. It is a gift not to be squandered. But then being a whiny crybaby makes it hard for me to do that.

F.E.A.R. (False Evidence Appearing Real)

I'm not sure where I read about fear being false evidence appearing real but most of my life has been lived under that assumption. Why I don't know. What's even worse is that I am aware of this yet cannot stop myself from feeling this way. Here's a small list of the major things I missed out on because of false evidence.

• In kindergarten I was asked to play the lead in Goldilocks because I had the blondest hair. I was too shy so I just became part of the chorus or background.


• In high school I was a Beatlemaniac and I had gotten a ticket to their Shea Stadium concert. When I bought the ticket I was in school and hanging with other girls who were of the same ilk. But it was summer when the concert occured and I was to shy/afraid to call the other girls to see how they were getting there, so I didn't go.


• Fast forward to the 1990's and a Guns 'n Roses concert. I had two tickets and was going to take a friend. It was held at the Rose Bowl and I was living in Ventura County and was to timid to make the drive (starting to sound like TERRAP or agourphobia).

My fear has dictated my life. I feel I have never made any real decisions about what direction I wanted my life to take. So now I reap the rewards for a life not lived. There is so much I haven't done and not that much time left to do it. So will I? I still don't know.

Age Will Limit You If You Let It

I recently deleted my blog because I didn't have any "hits" and someone told me that I never do anything so why was I on Twitter (I quit that because my tweets never went through). I then decided, so what, so what if it's only me who sees my blog. I think I'm enough. This can be my journal online. Age can be so limiting if you let it. I don't intend to. So, my blog will continue, if only for my own amusement.

Fever Blister

Today I have a fever blister, a cold sore. My first since my early 20's. I can't believe it's surfaced nor why. I know my dietary intake has not be sufficient in the proper nutrition and good stuff that my body needs to be whole and complete.

So now I have Vitamin E oil on it. What's funny is I stuck a pin into the vitamin E capsule and overnight the whole had closed. So I guess vitamin E is a self-healer.

I have to get a better frame of mind. The one currently in possession of me is one of bitterness and disappointment. I have s0 many resentments that tag along behind me like so much trash. I plan to write each one down and then burn them. And I hope with the burning they leave my heart.

I'll let you know!